A Bird in the Hand

    I got home from work the other day and a small bird had become trapped in my screened porch. It was frantically flitting side to side and I attempted to shoo it out the door. The bird refused to be herded. Each time I would close in, it would dart over or under me to hide in the corners behind furniture. After a few minutes of this insane and fruitless endeavor, I realized that I would have to change my tactics.
    A pattern eventually emerged. I could get her to a corner and work her upwards until she freaked and her behavior became erratic. Ultimately, it became clear that there was only one option and it would be dicey. I was going to have to ensnare the bird with my hands quickly and then secure her without causing harm.
    The small bird followed the plan perfectly. I boxed her in and lunged. Her small and delicate body vibrated in my hand and she chirped excitedly and pinched at my fingers with her beak. I had to fight my instincts to let her go. Quickly and gingerly, I moved through the open door and she bursts from my hands back to her forest home. I had such a sense of relief and a rush of peace after rescuing this magical little creature.
    Later that day, I sat down to meditate. As usual, I settled in and settled down, but occasional thoughts would flit through my mind. "Oh, I'm thinking about my day", let go, back to the anchor of the breath. "Hmm, now I'm following a daydream down a rabbit hole. How long have I been doing that?" Let go and back to the breath.
    Teachers of meditation use several analogies or metaphors to illustrate how we should consider our thoughts when meditating. One of the simplest and most commonly used is clouds in the sky. Clouds are always forming and moving. They are ephemeral and completely out of our control. They are also devoid of intent. We never judge a cloud, feel proud of its fluffiness or shame because it's wispy and falls apart. We notice the cloud or thought, acknowledge it exists and let it pass. This works beautifully, most of the time.     
    However, on this day, a stubborn thought loop kept reappearing. I was so curious and hungry to explore it that I couldn't let it go. I would become aware of it, acknowledge it and try to come back to the breath, but it would pop back up. In actuality, I was just chasing it from one corner to another in my mind.
    Then, I remembered the bird! This tenacious and evasive idea was just like that energetic little creature, but now zipping around the edges of my psyche. I gathered my resolve, moved in to corral this elusive yarn, and lunged. Gotcha!  I could feel it struggling and tickling the edges of my mind as I walked it to the open door. I felt that same sensation of peace and relief. Finally, I was able to break the loop by imagining myself capturing and setting that notion free back into the ether forest of ideas.
    I can't control the birds. Others will probably find there way back into my porch from time to time and that's ok. They don't mean me any harm. They're just doing what birds do. I also don't have to toil and struggle to shoo them away because now I know how to handle them.

Help Yourself, Hype Yourself

    We all need a cheerleader or a hype man. The hype man is the individual who is responsible for keeping the momentum of a show going, motivating the artist, and pumping up the enthusiasm of the crowd. He or she functions like an emotional barometer, constantly evaluating the feel of the environment and injecting energy into lulls and adding exclamation points to the performance. There have been many, sometimes even multiple people on the stage, but no one was greater than the one and only Flava Flav. 

    We all have a version of Flav in our heads. You could even say that we are that hype man. Sometimes, he's just not able to do his job properly. At this point, you probably are wondering, "what in the hell is he talking about?" Well, hang in there. I will arrive at my point shortly. 

    Experienced meditation teachers often use a metaphor to explain our inner mindscape. They speak of the "monkey mind." This aspect of our mind is the equivalent of an angry, or my favorite description, drunken monkey thrashing around the confines of our psyche. At times, the monkey jumps and screams and swings around shaking branches and throwing poo. We cannot escape him, so we must learn to live in harmony. This is where meditation comes into play. Meditation is being a witness to the mind and making peace with the monkey. 

    Well, it occurs to me, that the analogy breaks down in our fast paced and frenetic lives, so far removed from nature. Additionally, this inner self is much more sophisticated and crowded than a single drunken monkey. I see it performing all sorts of complex and creative tasks in myself, as well as others. Luckily, western medicine tackled the complex puzzle of the mind and developed a more detailed, albeit hotly debated, psychological framework. 

    In the 1920's, the renowned Austrian neurologist, Sigmund Freud, elaborated on the monkey mind. He referred to this primitive, neurotic, pleasure seeking, instant gratification aspect of ourselves as the id. The id craves the basic resources, e.g. food, clothing, shelter, and is characterized by it's violent and sexual tendencies. This new explanation of the psyche was incredibly important because it introduced the westernized, scientific community to this idea of the monkey mind. So, we began to have a common language between mysticism and scientific determinism. Each independent actor in the play of life could get on board with this idea regardless of bias or operating paradigm. Something was in our head and it was making us crazy, or at least anxious, sad, angry, etc...

    In order for us to bring this full circle, it's important to become aware of this internal situation. It's also imperative to accept that we are married to this monkey or id for life. We don't judge the monkey because, he appears randomly and we have no control over his initial state. However, with awareness and practice, we can learn to occupy the monkey or shine light on the id's behavior and course correct. 

    Once we accomplish this task, we get out of our own way, Flav wakes up, and we gain the ability to hype ourselves. This development is a critical step in becoming self actualized. The negative self talk loses it's punch, the damaging narratives that we construct become simple bedtime stories to be discarded, facades crumble, the truth of manufactured urgency and self imposed anxiety is revealed, and labels peel away. Under this new paradigm, we gain a new level and degree of psychological freedom that is peace filled and blissful. Then, we are capable of operating at our fullest potential and we can confidently face the actual slings and arrows of life.

    

This is all Temporary

    

    We're all just passing through. I think it's important to stay aware of this fact. We often get so caught up in ourselves and the drama of life that we lose sight of this fundamental and undeniable truth. We make big deals out of nothing and fail to notice the splendor and magic that is right in front of our faces. 
    The Latin phrase memento mori literally means, "remember that you have to die." The great Stoic philosopher, Seneca, advocated contemplating one's death before sleep and upon waking. Christians in the middle ages riffed off of the idea and developed the artistic expression of the Danse Macabre (Dance of death). They would illustrate the Grim Reaper dancing a pope, king, child, and laborer to the grave. The Buddha said, "some do not understand that we must die, but those who do realize this and settle their quarrels." Even sundials are notoriously famous for their clever inscriptions meant to remind us of the fleeting nature of time. One of my favorites is related to us in the podcast, S-town. It reads, "Life is tedious and brief." All these words, images, and ideas resonate so strongly within me that they create a sense of existential urgency. 
    Memento mori, this simple phrase or mantra is the ice bucket challenge for us to wake up and see this life for what it really is, an amazing and utterly fascinating journey. The ego pulls at us so strongly sometimes that we get consumed by our I, me, and my's. Our fears overwhelm and paralyze us. The id constantly whispers and nags about the four Fs. Sometimes, we just give up, wallow in our misery and fume at perceived wrongs. All the while, precious sands fall through the hourglass, never to be touched again.  
    Mindfulness is a buzzword that's thrown around everywhere these days. You see it on magazine covers and hear Dr Phil talking about it and you probably have a friend like me who drones on about it, ad nauseam. Also, talking about being aware and engaging in mindful awareness are two completely separate things. The term mindfulness is over used so much that it loses it potency. It's also shrouded in mysticism, which can be a real turn off to some, and it's ephemeral. The constant barrage of external stimuli, e.g., crying kids, phone calls, work emergencies, horrible drivers, etc. are constantly pulling us away from this magical space of the now.
    So, what do you do? Well, simply recall that this is all temporary, all of it. Richard Carlson knows this and wrote one of my all time favorite books, Don't Sweat The Small Stuff... and it's all small stuff. In one of the chapters, he reminds us that nothing is a big deal until we make it a big deal. This simple, yet insightful revelation reminds us that WE ascribe context and meaning to situations. The initial emotions that bubble up from our unconscious mind are fast and automatic and important to acknowledge, but they can be tempered and tamed by our slower, but more rational frontal lobe. So, memento morti, look at the beauty, and practice the pause. It gets easier. 


Additional reading

Keep Calm in Chaos
Stoic Emotions 
     

The Value of a Mantra

    We've all heard the old aphorism, "an idle mind is the devil's playground".  I don't know that this is necessarily true, but an idle mind does allow one to daydream and chase internal narratives down rabbit holes. This in and of itself isn't a bad thing. However, when we are stressed, sad, or angry, an idle mind can be a breeding ground for some extremely unhealthy thoughts.
    I've always enjoyed words of wisdom, idioms, aphorisms, mottos, quotes, and proverbs. Some of these introduced to me in early childhood, like my maternal grandmother's, "if you're going to do something half-assed, don't do it at all!" have guided my work ethic. Others, like the quote from the Taoist sage, Lao Tzu, "nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it." have reminded me to relax, be patient, and go with the flow. I often think about these ideas in different contexts, roll them around in my mind, and assess their authenticity. I'm not looking for absolute, objective truth, but how do they speak to me and my experience.
     Different situations and chapters of our life call for different ideas and axioms. What works for one person is often perceived as corny and trite by another. However, when a proverb is deemed authentic and accepted by the psyche, these little reminders or nuggets of truth can be mental anchors, continually bringing us back from unhealthy and destructive thoughts. They can also help us persevere and push through difficult periods in life.
    When these words of wisdom are boiled down and reduced to their most concentrated form of truth, a mantra is formed. The Sanskrit word mantra literally means thought behind speech or action. The word is defined as a statement or slogan repeated frequently. Mantras are powerful psychological and spiritual tools. When regularly employed, they have the potential to free and empower us.
    The best mantras are short, pithy, and easily repeated. Two of my favorite personal mantras are "misery is optional" abbreviated from a quote by Tim Hansel and "flow like water" derived from the aforementioned quote by Taoist master Lao Tzu. I have repeated these words so many times over the years and they have kept me from wandering the mirrored mazes of my mind.
     I recently helped a young man find his mantra. He was angry, aggressively apathetic, and not taking care of himself. Actually, he was being quite self destructive. We spoke about the importance of loving ourselves and making good choices to move in a good direction. He related to me that he didn't care about anything any more. Eventually, we came to the realization that he had lost his mother a couple of years ago and felt lost without her.
    His grief and hopelessness resulting from her absence was causing him such pain that he was hurting himself with his choices. He spoke about her incredible love and I reminded him that her love still resided in him. She was part of him and he still had all of the love that she had given him. I helped him realize that she would continue to resonate in this world as long as he shared that love. However, he had to care for himself in order to give that gift to the world. His mantra was born and became "my mother lives in me". This realization changed the lens with which he viewed himself and completely flipped the way that he related to his health. He became sacred to himself.
    This is the power of a good mantra. It changes our paradigm and pulls us back to the now. I encourage you to develop a personal mantra today. Please share your favorite mantras it the comments. Thank you for reading. Go forth and shed light.
   

Crossfit Juice fast 2013

    The inaugural 2013 Crossfit juice fast is in full swing. I started Superbowl Sunday again this year. I haven't had a bite or chew of food in five days. I'm going to stay on until Saturday morning. I've worked out (WOD'd) every day this week. I'm going to WOD tomorrow and Saturday too. So far, this has been much easier than my previous experiments. 

    Last year was great. My strength and flexability increased and I got so much better in the gym. My weight was steady at 207lb. Unfortunately, my diet fell apart around October last year when I took the family to Disney. My barely 4 pack of abs went into hibernation... Things got worse in November and December. 

    In my family, the holidays have always meant rich, yummy foods and lots of it . I lost my discipline for a minute and got lazy with my diet. My Crossfit workouts were the only thing keeping my weight in check. However, I had noticed my endurance falling off and body weight movements were starting to suck, e.g. pullups, hand stand push ups, squats, and especially ring dips. Somehow, I WAS able to finally get a ring muscle up on Dec 22nd!

    On Jan. 19th, I started a forty day paleo challenge in my gym (box). This lifestyle is relatively easy for me due to my experience with these juice fasts. I'm learning more about the biochemistry of paleo and I buy into it. All the evil lectin stuff is a little over the top, but the basic tenets and science is sound. Best of all, it works and is a realistic lifestyle in my family situation.

    I'm down fifteen pounds since the start of the challenge. I indulged last Saturday for my little girl's birthday party. This was a decision I made, not a cheat. I plan on transitioning to juice and mostly raw fruit and veggie paleo next week and then finishing out the month normally. I'm also going to up my cardio to keep the fat coming off. I'm still using 20 oz of unsweetened almond milk with 2 scoops of cytosport whey after I WOD and before bed to assist in recovery and prevent sarcopenia (I know whey isn't officially paleo). 

    Psychologically, this has been a breeze. I watched a lot of Diners, Drive-ins, & Dives the first night. However, after a little food porn, I was good. Today was the first time I felt hungry. This was quickly cured with a little beet, celery, pear, green apple juice. My body feels great and is recovering normally. 

    Slowly, I'm facing and conquering my food addiction. I have found a couple good paleo cookbooks, Everyday Paleo and Well Fed. Also, my wife is on board and transitioning the family to this lifestyle. We are playing with different recipes and teaching the kids about paleo. Saturday, I'm going to make some fresh guacamole and use some red cabbage to eat it with. I'm so excited! Is that weird? 

Crossfit Juice Fast #2

    Well, I'm on the wagon again. This is my second crossfit biochemistry hack. I'm drinking fresh fruit & veggie juices at least twice a day. They have been mostly carrot, apple, celery, beet, strawberry, spinach, lemon, grapefruit with a little mango, blackberry, broccoli, cantaloupe, ginger, blueberry, & pineapple thrown in for good measure. I prepare anywhere from 20-40oz of juice at a time and drink it immediately to maximize my absorption of the nutrients before they can oxidize and/or degrade. Some are great, some are meh, some are just nutrition. 
    Protein is the missing piece of the puzzle when considering a juice fast and simultaneously pursuing an aggressive training regimen. Therefore, I drink a little over 50grams of whey protein powder immediately post WOD mixed with 20oz of unsweetened almond milk and have the same shake before bed. I have used my preworkout supplement, 1 scoop of Jack 3d, for three of the four days. The caffeine in it helps me push harder and dig a little deeper. In fact, studies show it raises pain threshold and contributes to an average of about a 15% increase in power output. This has been a very good week of workouts.  
    I did an hour of yoga on Sun after I started the fast at noon and have completed one WOD (workout of the day) the last four days. My stamina has not been an issue. Strength has not been an issue. In fact, I set a new PR (personal record) for my rear squat this week. It was only 215lb, but I could barely muster 155lb to the proper crossfit squat depth when I started. Plus my form, if you want to call it that, was shit. Tuesday was Barbara (a deceptively difficult girl). We also did a crazy "Death by 10m" shuttle run on Wed. in which I performed well (16 rounds + 16 runs of the 17th round). Today was a metcon (metabolic conditioning) WOD from hell and I never hit the wall or had to rest an inordinate amount of time. My time was 23:33rx and I beat my competitive partner!

For time:

400m row buy in:
then
4 rounds:
10 push press 115lb
20 box jumps 24in
then
4 rounds:
10 burpees
20 kb swings 53lb
then
400m run cash out

Weight-203.6lb new all time low!

emotional status-irritated (hungry?)

Stamina-fine during WODs, but sluggish at other times

    This second fast has been much easier to abide by mentally. I've been here before and I know what it feels like. There really isn't any anxiety about food of the workouts. I understand my connection to my food and my addiction to it. The guts have been fine too (not the case the first couple days last time). It's as if my body just said, "yeah, ok... I remember. I got this!"

    I was in Costco today with my daughter and we had a great time talking about healthy natural foods and our choices about what we put into our bodies. My fridge and fruit bowl are filled with healthy options to eat and snack on. I've gotten into the habit of buying fresh vegetables and produce. I really like big green salads sprinkled in a raspberry or balsamic vinaigrette. This may have never happened if I didn't commit myself to experimenting with the juice fast, educating myself about nutrition, taking responsibility for my food choices, and busting my ass on the road, trail, gym, box, driveway, call room at work, etc...

Here is a link to the WODs that we do @ Ignite Fitness in Hoover Ignite Fitness Hoover WODs

Post fast labs and crossfit anniversary

     In one week, I will celebrate one year of doing crossfit workouts of the day (WODs). I've taken one week off this year. Otherwise, I have done 3-6 WODs a week with a little jogging, a mud race, & 10k trail run thrown in for good measure. It has been a great year of humility, pain, fatigue, misery, accomplishment, increasing mental/physical fortitude, stamina, and health.
     I have learned so many new and different movements and exercises this year. My flexibility has improved and I've started doing yoga once a week. I also incorporate many of these stretches into my warmups and cool downs. I am amazed how stiff and rigid my joints had become due to my sedentary job and lack of self maintenance.
      This year of increased activity and self awareness was capped off with the crossfit 7 day juice fast. I completed it about ten days ago. The fast was a great experience that I plan to do at least twice a year, if not quarterly. It helped me become more aware of my emotional connection to food and face those emotions when my drug was unavailable.
     I went to see my doctor last week for the first time in about 15 months. He told me that I was the healthiest person that he would see all day. That made me feel incredible! My weight was down 20lb from last visit (lean mass is up at least 10-12lb). My systolic blood pressure had fallen nearly 40mmHg! However, the biggest change was my blood chemistry.
     Now, keep in mind, this was after a week of nothing but fruits and veggies, followed by some pretty big "thank God I'm eating again" chicken wings and beer. So, not ultra clean living, but a metabolic reboot, mostly sensible paleo meals, and some regular trash food for five days after the fast.


                                  Nov 2010                                                          Feb 2012
Cholesterol mg/dL          198                                                                      148
triglycerides mg/dL         164                                                                       51
LDL calc                        104                                                                       67
calc VLDL                      33                                                                        10
HDL mg/dL                     61                                                                        71
   
Everything improved! LDL (bad) was down and HDL (good) was up. I am truly shocked. I feel very good about how far I've come and I look forward to the road that lies ahead.