We're all just passing through. I think it's important to stay aware of this fact. We often get so caught up in ourselves and the drama of life that we lose sight of this fundamental and undeniable truth. We make big deals out of nothing and fail to notice the splendor and magic that is right in front of our faces.
The Latin phrase memento mori literally means, "remember that you have to die." The great Stoic philosopher, Seneca, advocated contemplating one's death before sleep and upon waking. Christians in the middle ages riffed off of the idea and developed the artistic expression of the Danse Macabre (Dance of death). They would illustrate the Grim Reaper dancing a pope, king, child, and laborer to the grave. The Buddha said, "some do not understand that we must die, but those who do realize this and settle their quarrels." Even sundials are notoriously famous for their clever inscriptions meant to remind us of the fleeting nature of time. One of my favorites is related to us in the podcast, S-town. It reads, "Life is tedious and brief." All these words, images, and ideas resonate so strongly within me that they create a sense of existential urgency.
Memento mori, this simple phrase or mantra is the ice bucket challenge for us to wake up and see this life for what it really is, an amazing and utterly fascinating journey. The ego pulls at us so strongly sometimes that we get consumed by our I, me, and my's. Our fears overwhelm and paralyze us. The id constantly whispers and nags about the four Fs. Sometimes, we just give up, wallow in our misery and fume at perceived wrongs. All the while, precious sands fall through the hourglass, never to be touched again.
Mindfulness is a buzzword that's thrown around everywhere these days. You see it on magazine covers and hear Dr Phil talking about it and you probably have a friend like me who drones on about it, ad nauseam. Also, talking about being aware and engaging in mindful awareness are two completely separate things. The term mindfulness is over used so much that it loses it potency. It's also shrouded in mysticism, which can be a real turn off to some, and it's ephemeral. The constant barrage of external stimuli, e.g., crying kids, phone calls, work emergencies, horrible drivers, etc. are constantly pulling us away from this magical space of the now.
So, what do you do? Well, simply recall that this is all temporary, all of it. Richard Carlson knows this and wrote one of my all time favorite books, Don't Sweat The Small Stuff... and it's all small stuff. In one of the chapters, he reminds us that nothing is a big deal until we make it a big deal. This simple, yet insightful revelation reminds us that WE ascribe context and meaning to situations. The initial emotions that bubble up from our unconscious mind are fast and automatic and important to acknowledge, but they can be tempered and tamed by our slower, but more rational frontal lobe. So, memento morti, look at the beauty, and practice the pause. It gets easier.
Additional reading
Keep Calm in Chaos
Stoic Emotions
We've all heard the old aphorism, "an idle mind is the devil's playground". I don't know that this is necessarily true, but an idle mind does allow one to daydream and chase internal narratives down rabbit holes. This in and of itself isn't a bad thing. However, when we are stressed, sad, or angry, an idle mind can be a breeding ground for some extremely unhealthy thoughts.
I've always enjoyed words of wisdom, idioms, aphorisms, mottos, quotes, and proverbs. Some of these introduced to me in early childhood, like my maternal grandmother's, "if you're going to do something half-assed, don't do it at all!" have guided my work ethic. Others, like the quote from the Taoist sage, Lao Tzu, "nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it." have reminded me to relax, be patient, and go with the flow. I often think about these ideas in different contexts, roll them around in my mind, and assess their authenticity. I'm not looking for absolute, objective truth, but how do they speak to me and my experience.
Different situations and chapters of our life call for different ideas and axioms. What works for one person is often perceived as corny and trite by another. However, when a proverb is deemed authentic and accepted by the psyche, these little reminders or nuggets of truth can be mental anchors, continually bringing us back from unhealthy and destructive thoughts. They can also help us persevere and push through difficult periods in life.
When these words of wisdom are boiled down and reduced to their most concentrated form of truth, a mantra is formed. The Sanskrit word mantra literally means thought behind speech or action. The word is defined as a statement or slogan repeated frequently. Mantras are powerful psychological and spiritual tools. When regularly employed, they have the potential to free and empower us.
The best mantras are short, pithy, and easily repeated. Two of my favorite personal mantras are "misery is optional" abbreviated from a quote by Tim Hansel and "flow like water" derived from the aforementioned quote by Taoist master Lao Tzu. I have repeated these words so many times over the years and they have kept me from wandering the mirrored mazes of my mind.
I recently helped a young man find his mantra. He was angry, aggressively apathetic, and not taking care of himself. Actually, he was being quite self destructive. We spoke about the importance of loving ourselves and making good choices to move in a good direction. He related to me that he didn't care about anything any more. Eventually, we came to the realization that he had lost his mother a couple of years ago and felt lost without her.
His grief and hopelessness resulting from her absence was causing him such pain that he was hurting himself with his choices. He spoke about her incredible love and I reminded him that her love still resided in him. She was part of him and he still had all of the love that she had given him. I helped him realize that she would continue to resonate in this world as long as he shared that love. However, he had to care for himself in order to give that gift to the world. His mantra was born and became "my mother lives in me". This realization changed the lens with which he viewed himself and completely flipped the way that he related to his health. He became sacred to himself.
This is the power of a good mantra. It changes our paradigm and pulls us back to the now. I encourage you to develop a personal mantra today. Please share your favorite mantras it the comments. Thank you for reading. Go forth and shed light.
